Overcoming Possessiveness In A Relationship

A romantic relationship is a mutual binding of two individuals. It is characterised by a very deep, strong, and associative force of attraction. Love, affection and trust drive a relationship. However, this adhesive force can break when love turns sours due to different reasons. Being jealous is good but being possessive is a behaviour that has to be put in check.


It’s alright to get jealous when you are in a relationship but one should always learn to not lose control. 

1. Control your tongue and actions

Jealousy is just like salt, add a bit to taste or add too much and spoil the sauce. This is what being possessive does to a relationship. It starts out as jealousy but if unchecked, comes off as possessiveness. It breeds discord and it portrays you as insecure and incapable of trust; two factors sufficient enough to tear two individuals apart. 


A lack of trust coupled with insecurity would always make you take the wrong decision and draw the wrong assumptions. You say the wrong things and usually end up hurting your significant other.


The tongue can be soothing and at the same time sharp and deliverer of pain. Do not let it get away from you. Be in control of the words you speak because words, once spoken, cannot be taken back.

2. Keep the past in the past

We are all products of our past. We are what we are because of or inspite of our past. However, it is usually for the best to opt to let the past live in the past. This is especially important in relationships as it is unhealthy to bring up old arguments or past slights.


Making this decision shows you are able to forgive and you also are not holding on to past grudges. Remember, words are like eggs. Once they fall, they cannot be taken back.

3. Seek support

One of the best ways to overcome possessiveness is to seek the support of close and trusted ones.  Positive guidance is key and it affords you a way to see things from multiple angles. You have access to how others see things. You get to ask those who have experience how they navigated the troubled times in their relationship.


If worrisome and suspicious thoughts continue to overwhelm you, explain to someone and get help.     

4. Live your life

Live. Read. Spread your focus. Do not spend your time putting your mind to the thoughts the extreme jealousy is bringing up. An idle mind is the devil’s workshop. Have a work-life balance that lets you meet others, go out and able to understand that there really is no need to be possessive. 
Have your own social life that is not entirely dependent on your significant other. Have and retain your individuality.

4. Live your life

Trust is the strongest binding force in a relationship. Relationships based on trust always flourish. It also helps with the jealousy that usually is triggered by insecurity. However, you need to trust yourself. Trust yourself to remain faithful and steadfast to your significant other. This is because most times, our insecurities are projections of our fears. We fear out partner is cheating because we are cheating or considering it. And because we are, we assume our partner is.


Trusting each other and yourself creates a space where you can both discuss issues that are affecting your relationship. When events that make you question the trust come up, talk about it. Make no assumptions.

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